People Help The People
by MirrorSparkles1234
Summary: 'God knows what is hiding in this world of little consequence behind the tears, inside the lies a thousand slowly dying sunsets' Zosia experiences a tragedy and someone she never expects comes to her side.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I had to delete and reupload due to I confused someone and had to end up adding some parts in, which I didn't add in before. In reply to Leah who reviewed sorry I confused you, basically I hope it makes more sense now, I didn't want to add in some parts but I feel I had to add them in now to make it clearer.**

It's been a few days since I discovered I was in fact pregnant, 12 weeks to be exact not the news I was hoping for I hoped it just to be a bug, or down to stress but the little white stick in my hand those days ago confirmed it and since then I've been trying to avoid everyone. Though that's impossible due to living with two colleagues, they've noticed changes in me and using the excuse of 'Patient gave me a bug', 'Bug going round', 'Tired' even Arthur who's not very clued up on that kind of thing has noticed, even going out his way to ensure I was well and now I'm on AAU, no doubt another asking of my father, though Mr Griffin doesn't take any shit from Junior's and I'm with him. Though today even work is the last thing on my mind, I've had backache for quite a while but I woke up with backache that feels stronger, and it hasn't budged, this is the kind of thing I would ask mama but of course I can't. Never once did I expect myself to become pregnant in fact it's never occurred to me about a blog growing inside me into a little person. I'm a doctor not a mother and of course I've gotten pregnant purely by accident, just like probably many professionals have especially Ms Naylor she's definitely not a mummy type and I hope she realises that if you have kids with her profession they should come first, just look at me and Guy. I lean against a wall waiting to be found by Mr Griffin who was 'babysitting' me today, I would much rather like a lie down on the sofa with a hot water bottle on my back but that is not going to happen any time soon.

"And I heard your surgical skills are something that Elliot Hope hasn't seen since, Ms Naylor," Ric says to me as I then push myself away from the wall.

"How many surgeon's does it take to get Zosia March into surgery?" Harry asked grinning and Mary-Claire stood aside him, "Let's see we've had Professor Hope, Sacha and now Mr Griffin…everyone but the above," I smile sarcastically as the junior registrar looks like a child who's just got praise off his teacher, and I'm sure Mr Griffin doesn't hand out praise lightly, in fact I'm pretty sure that no one down here hands out praise lightly, "So Zosia ready to spend your day on AAU?"

"I can't wait," I try to sound 'positive' but my tone is as always uninterested, "Why would I not want to spend my day, up into guts and gore?" one fault of mine which I'm able to admit only to myself: I don't think before I speak. I walk with Mr Griffin though I see him lock eyes with the consultant Serena Campbell, he gives her a small smile and I make a face, "So you and Ms Campbell," I jump in and Mr Griffin stops.

"What about me and Ms Campbell?" he asks in his deep voice and I step in front smiling.

"You blush every time you see her," I say and he frowns then I observe him further, "I saw when she walked past earlier."

"Serena and myself are just friends nothing more," I sense an irritation in his voice had I touched a nerve? "Anyway you will be trailing Doctor Tressler for the meantime, since I am due in theatre."

"No way one step wrong and she'll be up to daddy," I hear him whisper to Mary-Claire and I turn my face to him, I have good hearing when I need it and right now I wanted to hear more, "Imagine if I took the mick? Oh daddy Doctor Tressler took the mick."

"Harry," Mary-Claire says as she catches my eye but I turn my face away, "Nice one now she'll think I'll be the same."

Sadly my attention is caught by the familiar nurse in her red top and black trousers, "Right I'll go check on patients," I say to quickly avoid the nurse who I hate, I know hate is a strong word but she couldn't keep away from him and now they're once again working together. I try to slip away but I'm too late and she catches my eye.

"Hi Zosh," she says politely and I make no sound and I go to walk ahead, "Not so fast over here," who does she think she is? She's not my mama never will she be, but yet I find myself drawn to that tone it's a tone of authority the tone she only saves as a last resort, the tone I grew to knew when I was younger Colette Sheward the Rottweiler she's that for a reason. So I fold my arms and walk over leaning against the desk before her dark eyes catch my light ones, "Are you OK? I heard you've been feeling under the weather."

"I'm fine just some bug," I answer why's it her business? I'm not her business and she frowns at me, "What?" I ask rudely then she gives me the disapproving look.

"I give up on you Zosia," Colette shakes her head and then walks away, I sit down on the chair and twirl with my pen, I think about my current situation, this thing growing inside me currently causing me displeasures: sickness, sore and heavy breasts, and feeling faint at random times. I try and imagine this baby but I can't right now it's still a small blob inside my womb, that's of course Arthur's child, guess it could be worse it could've been Harry's though the thought of Harry being the dad is less comforting than Arthur. Whilst Harry would run like a wimp Arthur would, I hope, stay, he doesn't seem the type to run. I groan as the thought of assisting in theatre is the most boring thought ever, surprisingly the quick Belvita I had this morning has stayed down, in fact I haven't even felt ill this morning. Strange I had been suffering from horrible sickness, luckily I was able to cover it up with just trips to the bathroom, so Arthur and Dom would not get suspicious. Now it's not there at all. Then again I hadn't noticed my period was missing until I looked at my calendar and realised, which then set alarm bells going and in haste of panic I snuck out at midnight and drove to the 24 hour shop. I looked a bit weird in my pyjama trousers and Holby hoddie but at midnight who cares? So I then went to a public toilet and hovered over the seat as of course public toilets and hygiene are not on the same wave length and waited, my future was in the hands well drops of my urine. It felt like hours but then it popped up and behold yes, I am in fact with child, which I'm not even sure I want to keep. I'm a doctor not a mum, "Oh and your dad wants to see you in his office," I hear Colette talk to me again as she returns but I don't take it in, as I'm thinking, "He has some stuff of yours from his house and would like you to pick it up," I only hear 'pick it up' and I shake my head.

"Sorry?" I turn on the chair and face the nurse who is growing inpatient I can tell, "I was-"

"I said he wants to see you in his office so I suggest you do it," She looks angry not my fault I have my mind on other things, especially since it involves his potential if I keep it grandchild, "And don't let me catch your lounging again, this is my ward."

I sit up and groan as the backache comes back again, but then I smile sarcastically before walking away to go into his office, to see what he wants I walk across the corridor before reaching his office: Guy Self CEO his sign reads and I knock before not even being told to enter, why should I have to wait when he waltzes in on Keller at random times? "You wanted to see me," I fold my arms and he then turns around.

"I don't recall my mouth saying the words 'enter'," he then smiles at me and I look at her desk they really didn't take long did they? Colette Sheward Director of Nursing, Guy Self CEO, "I took the liberty of going through boxes and I found some of your stuff," he places the box onto his desk and I walk over intrigued of what he found and I look in: photo albums, cds I smile very lightly at one Busted I was fifteen coming on sixteen when the album Busted came out and the song Year 3000 seemed the best thing in the world. I then look further down and I found the really worn down toy which I took with me everywhere, it's a lamb it looks so much smaller now I'm older. His ears are flattened not sure whether that's from being crammed in a box or because he's showing his age: twenty six obviously isn't old but when you think about it a year of getting chewed on because I found his ears a better comforter than a teething ring, being taken around hospital especially when visiting mama when she was ill, when I was younger and being washed loads of times and more it's no wonder he looks older than me. His blue dungarees and light blue t-shirt are faded too. I forget I'm in his office when I hear his page go off, "I have to go but…feel free to stay-"

"I have to get back to AAU," that's all I can say as I then make a sharp exit out of his office, I hear my pager go off and sigh heavily as I see it's dear old Griffin.

…

"Look Guy wanted to see her…and it was important-"

"She can't go off like that…what if Harry had to be somewhere?"

"Look I'm sorry but he seemed in a hurry and what was I supposed to do?"

"Maybe told him to get in contact with his daughter," I hear Ric and Colette argue and then Colette sighs heavily.

"Getting Guy and Zosia to talk, is like getting ice cream not to melt in heat…I'm sure she'll be back soon and then you can lecture her," I hear Colette say sarcastically she could get away with that with Benson, Benson always was soft, well softer than my dad, he actually spoke and listened to you. Despite being a control freak, I walk down the ward and I feel the two people with dark eyes eyeing me, "And here she is."

"Just to say if you feel that you can swan off whenever you want, you're in the wrong hospital I don't like junior's thinking they can do whatever they want," Mr Griffin says sternly by my mind is now on the cramps I am experiencing, and the backache is worse it's like I've been pulled into a strange position and been left there, I ignore both and just put it down to normal symptoms but that's me switching my medical brain off.

"And stand up straight as well!" Colette shouts as I'm currently circling my hand over my back and I squeeze my nails into the palms of my hands, and try and concentrate, "Doctor March," she says my professional name but I then I have to make a sharp exit and I feel trickling I look down and find that the crouch of my trousers, is stained dark red and the cramps excel, I just about make it to a cubicle not being able to lock it before I bend over and squeeze my eyes shut, I fall to my knees and grab my abdomen as I then allow myself to cry. My scrub trousers are filling with blood, I try and pull myself up but the cramp comes back forcing me back to my knees, I know what is happening all this blood and pain, I then hear the door opening and it shuts loud, I try to control the pain but I can't, "Zosia?" Colette calls and I ignore her I'm still on the floor on my knees, just wanting it to stop, I haven't even dared to attempt and look at the floor, "Zosia?" she calls again, I actually feel the need to call for help as I can't keep like this even though, she is the last person I'd want to find me in this state, "Well if you want to act like a toddler be my guest."

"No," I squeak out before I lift myself up still on my knees I then tilt my head to the side of the cubicle walls, I breathe out not sure what to do, obviously too late to say 'I'm' fine as there's blood on the floor and I'm sure I don't look healthy. I then see sandy coloured Nike high top trainers and green trousers I didn't notice she had got changed, my mind was obviously on other things. I look up and she's stood there looking shocked and confused, "I…I…I…help," that's all that comes out as I can't think of anything else to say, especially since I do I guess need help.

"Oh Zosia," she says and she kneels down in front of me, I'm still hugging my abdomen and she doesn't know what to say obviously, then she looks like she's going to ask a question, "How far gone were you?" she asks and I remember reading on the stick 12 weeks, obviously she knows what has happened, I'm not sure how but she's guessed.

"12," I stop as I look away from Colette I then look at the ground, there's blood quite a bit and I breathe in and out heavily as I then dare to look at the state of my trousers.

"I need to get you out of here Zosh," Colette says kindly and I don't know what to do, I just feel tired and weak, "Here," she pulls out a tissue, does she carry these round? As she always seems to have a clean one whenever someone needs one. I take it and then dab at my eyes and cheeks which have been dampened with tears from pain, "Come on," she offers me a hand and I take a few seconds before taking it, "You can take your time."

"Mr Gri-"

"You leave him to me," she reassures and I then slowly and shakily stand up, I feel weak and I have to take a couple of seconds before I regain my little strength and I then realise something, how am I going to get out of here without being seen? I'm hardly looking healthy as I see myself in the mirror: I'm pale, "It's alright," she tries to reassure but it's really not alright.

….

Colette managed to get me from the toilets without being seen and I'm now in the toilets again getting changed, I have AAU scrubs and a spare change of underwear, I'm scared to pull down my pants, but as I do I find only blood and no foetus, "You OK in there?" I hear Colette call of course I'm not OK, what a stupid question, "Zosh?" she calls again, "Zosia?"

"It's not there," I sit on the toilet and shake my head, "But…I…."

"It doesn't happen all at once…it can take time " Colette tells me and I shake my head, "I don't sugar coat things Zosia you know that."

"This is not happening," I tilt my head back and feel tears releasing themselves, sliding down my cheeks, I sit there for a few minutes shaking and trying not to make it obvious I'm crying. I eventually peel off my pants and then get changed into the sky blue scrubs, they really don't suit my complexion. I walk out and lean against the skink, hands resting on the sides, "What am I supposed to do?" I ask and Colette looks at me.

"Come with me," she orders her tone slightly softer, and I look at her, "Come with me."

…

We're in her and dad's office as my dad is still in theatre, and I hope he has to stay in there for a while. I'm sat on the sofa legs curled up still feeling the cramps and I press my hand on my abdomen then apply pressure. Colette's gone out for what she said, five minutes but it's been ten. Each time the door opens I panic in case it's not Colette but each time she walks in and I don't say anything, "Here," she places a cup of tea into my free hand and then places a custard cream onto the desk, "I took a while because I was checking how long your dad would be in theatre for."

"And how long is he going to be?" I ask not drinking the tea just yet, I like the heat against my hands and I breathe in the tea smell.

"Another hour," she answers and I look down at my hands, "But normally he spends a bit of time talking with the families."

"Did you say to Mr Griffin?" I ask and Colette shakes her head, "But if I don't turn up…he'll end up going to-"

"I said leave Mr Griffin to me...if he wants to have a go he'll have to come to me," Colette then types on her computer I guess some notes, I can tell she's noticed my silence as she then sits back and turns on her chair, "Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head I'm still in shock it feels unreal, one minute I was pregnant and the next I've lost the baby and I'm confused as to why it happened…why does this happen? Is it something I've done? Maybe working too hard I only found out not long ago I was pregnant perhaps what I was eating and drinking? I stare at the wall and I feel my throat tightening but I'm not going to cry, not here, especially not in front of her, I then have to bite my lip and hold back the tears, I don't notice Colette sitting next to me it's only when I feel her arm around me, "You're allowed to cry," I shake my head and look down at the tea the steam rising up and I then place it on the floor.

"Mama always wanted me to have children," I say as I twiddle with my fingers and again stare at the ceiling, "I always told her I would one day give her grandchildren, but now she's gone and…what am I supposed to do?"

"Give yourself time to grieve," Grieve I hate that word it's my worst thing grief I hate it, I just want to get on with my daily life but something always makes me think about the thing, I am grieving over. Patients talking about mother's make me think about mama, "OK," Colette rubs her hand up and down my arm and I lean my head back, "Will you be OK tonight?" she asks and I look at her my eyes frowning, "As I know you're not on your own…but will you be OK?"

"I'll be fine," I say as she then looks at me and she can tell when I'm lying or trying to shut someone up. Though my hand pressing against my abdomen is showing her different.

"You're staying with me tonight and that's an order not an option," I roll my eyes and then slowly sit back up, groaning slightly, "I think I already know the answer, but are you going to tell your dad?" arghh I hadn't even thought about that, obviously if I was pregnant at some stage I would had to have told him.

"What's the point? There's no baby nothing for him to worry about…like he would care anyway but..." I can't imagine him caring to be honest, he spends half the time on his fancy phone, then rest of his time with the woman sat next to me and wonders why I don't talk to him.

"I finish at nine meet me at the entrance," she orders then pushes herself and folds her arms, "And I will come and find you…if I can't see you," she then reaches down and picks up the mug, "I have to get back on AAU but I'll speak to Mr Griffin you get yourself back up to Keller, and it's up to you whether you tell Dom or Arthur."

As she leaves I pull myself up and go towards the box again, I can't help but want to pick up that lamb and hug it tight. I can't remember the last time I actually held him so I hold him by the arm which has lost most of it's stuffing. I claimed he had numerous operations when I was younger, since there's stitches near his bottom and one on his chest and another on his arm. In fact it was the only time that his skills came in handy. If mama couldn't do it I'd go to him and it seemed that they came in handy, since it's been years since they have been done and none have become loose. I sigh and then hold him close to my chest, momentarily feeling slight comfort from the stuffed animal, before placing the box underneath his desk and then quickly stuff the lamb underneath my scrub top and gradually make my way back up to Keller.

**A/N: First off huge thank you to RainbowChaser90 who has been reading through and helping me! SO big thanks to yooooou! And also to PianoNinja who's read as well! I generally can't believe this came to me as I rarely don't like writing stuff like this but I just dunno, reviews are welcome xxxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

Keller is quiet almost empty so I'm able to slip into the staffroom without anyone realising, though it wouldn't be long before I'm noticed, I keep the lights turned off and lay on the chairs that are joined together, legs arched up. I pull the lamb from under my shirt and observe it again, I lead on the edge of caution though, in case Dom or Arthur walk in. I then place my hand upon my abdomen and press down groaning slightly as the cramps are painful, I pick at the buttons attaching his dungarees until one unthreads, slowly pulling away from the thread attached to it.

…

I'm laid in here for a quite a while but then I shoot up as the cramp reaches its peak, I feel the dampness of blood again and squeeze my eyes shut and tears are building in my eyes, I try to get myself on the floor, I again collapse to my knees and tilt my body forward, I cry as I cannot control what is happening and it's also terrifying, my tears are trailing off my nose and onto the floor, I'm hugging my abdomen, I feel myself passing large clots of blood and I just want it to stop.

"So if I have…." Dom was just about to talk to Sacha about more time in theatre, but his attention is caught by me, "Zosia?" he runs over and kneels down in front of me, I feel him trying to lift me up but I pull myself back down, "Zosia what's wrong?" he asks concerned and I can't say anything.

"I'm going to get someone," Sacha announces and my mind sets alarm bells off.

"Don't get my dad," I just about get out before I breathe in and out, I feel Dom using his hand to rub my back and then I can lift myself up, I'm shaking and my face is soaked with tears.

"Zosia I'll be back," Sacha says he sounds really concerned and it's not long before, he then exits and I feel Dom pulling me into a hug. I thought he would be mad at me for what happened that time with the mummy, but right now he's trying to calm me. I would prefer the words of my mama, soft Polish words and her telling me it's going to be OK but Dom is just as good; his hand is rubbing up and down my arm and I feel myself feeling a bit safer, still terrified but safe.

….

Sacha opened the door and returned, "She ordered to not get Mr Self so you were the next best person," I can clearly tell Sacha is talking to Colette and I pull away from Dom.

"Get me some water," Colette orders Sacha and Sacha nods before rushing out and she then walks over, "You are certainly not going home tonight…that's for sure."

"She'll be fine-" Dom argues but then he shrinks back and it's clear that Colette's stare has made him scared, "Shall I leave you two alone?"

"Actually Doctor Copeland you could be of help," Colette says and Dom then pulls his arms away from me, "Can you get Doctor March a pair of Keller scrubs?" as Dom leaves she then sets her eyes on me.

….

I've just got myself cleaned up again and it's still unreal, I've again changed into fresh underwear and scrubs. I've now got the pain of the foetus to deal with, I'm in too much shock it's like it's been a horrible nightmare and I can't wake up. I want to wake up and find it's just the middle of the night; I'm in bed, but sadly it's not and I'm in reality. I can't take it I step back, I hear Colette trying to get me to come back, and I ignore her and dash out the door before leaning my head against the wall and I feel fresh tears run down my cheeks.

….

I walk into the lockeroom at seven after having spent the rest of the day trying to avoid, Dom and Sacha as I know they will be asking questions. I had Mr Griffin on my case but Colette managed to get him away, I see on the bench the lamb which I had completely forgot about, I sigh and sit on the bench grabbing it, and again hugging it close to my chest a lot of my crying has been with this lamb and I then feel fresh tears forming in my eyes before they drop onto the fur of the lamb, I then jump as the door opens and Dom walks in, "Hey," he says kindly and I say nothing, "I urmm had a feeling he was yours, so I left him in the locker room, oh and I noticed he has a rip on his head I can always…'suture' him for you," Dom sits down next to me and I laugh very lightly, "I mean it's a bit below what I'm used to."

"It's fine I'll…I'll sort it," I say and Dom then sits down next to me taking it, "He was mine from when I was little."

"You really don't seem the type to have a cuddly toy," Dom laughs and I snatch him back, stroking his head, Dom then looks like he's about to approach an awkward subject, "Were you ever going to tell….me or Arthur?"

"I didn't know what I wanted to do at first…I didn't even know if I was going to keep the baby…but I obviously don't even get a choice now," I sigh and lift my leg up onto the bench and rest my chin upon my kneecap and pick at the fraying sides of my black converses.

"Your Doctor March are a handful," Dom again puts his arm around me and pushes me into him, "You could've spoken to me."

"It doesn't matter now…I just need to get out of here," I pull away and place the lamb into my bag before standing up, "Bye."

….

I sit outside on the bench just a bit after seven, of course I know Colette wasn't kidding when she said, she would come and find me. I tap my shoes and circle my hand against my abdomen and apply pressure, "I thought I was going to have to come and find you," Colette says and I turn my head then look up at her, "I'll drop you off at mine and then I'll get your stuff."

I nod before standing up and place my bag on my shoulders and sigh, "You won't tell 'him' will you?" I ask nervously before she answers.

"You're not a little girl anymore Zosia…whether you tell your dad or not is none of my business."

"Do you think he needs to know?" I ask and Colette folds her arms.

"It's up to you," Colette answers again and I then nod, "Did I see that lamb you had as a kid in the staffroom earlier?"

"He packed a few of my old things and the lamb was in there."

"Thought it was yours."

We walk towards her car and then I stop for a second, "Colette."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

**A/N: This chapter is shorter as I wrote the third chapter this morning and later today ahaha. I again thank RainbowChaser90 for helping and PianoNinja for reading as well! xxxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

I arrive in her flat, I've got my lamb in my bag and I feel tonight he will come of use. It's small, but big enough for one it has: one bathroom, kitchen just opposite and a living room, there are two bedrooms, main bedroom and a guest room, "I can pick up a few of your things," she offers and I turn around then nod, "Basics?" she asks.

"Urmm here's my key," I get it out of my pocket and then hand it to her, she takes it and then ushers us into the living room; it has two sofas one three seater and the other two seater, the t.v. is resting upon a shelf it takes me a while to notice, but it looks like the old t.v. from mama and dad's house. Pictures rest upon the bookshelf various ones: Staff dos, thirtieth birthday party it's obvious due to her wearing a sache saying: Happy thirtieth birthday!, then my eye is caught by the third photo; it's of her and mama I walk over to it and observe it, mama looks in her thirties and Colette in her twenties there's always been ten years between them, it's basically nowadays what's called a 'selfie' arghh I hate that word, it's not only a stupid word but a couple of times Dom to be annoying has come up to me and gone, 'Shame your surname is no longer 'Self' I could have a selfie with a 'Selfie'. Anyway I'm busy observing the photo, it's got both of them smiling and camouflage colour stripes on their cheeks. Ah I know this Jenny a nurse who got close to both mama and Colette invited her to her hen do and this was the outcome. If you've ever seen the other young doctors drunk, try two nurses after various wines, shots and pretty much all of the above and you've got disaster. I was four I remember waking up going downstairs and finding Colette in the kitchen feeling sorry for herself. I always woke up early as a child, and I ended up giving her more of a headache as I didn't stop talking. I had woke mama up too and she sent me into the living room to go 'play' though I being stubborn refused and spoke for ages a load of random rubbish, that was the only time I got told off for talking and was sent to the living room to play, and me being a daddy's girl - back then, ended up telling on them. I smile lightly at the memory, before observing more of the living room. The walls are painted white and the curtains are black with white big dots. The carpets are light red and the rug is white, the cd rack is very tall and I look at the cds, various singers/bands ranging from Fleetwood Mac, Stevie Nicks, Daft Punk, Journey to Coldplay and Kaiser Chiefs, I recall Colette forcing herself to listen to Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks, after mama and 'him' took the mick, saying: Zosia is four and can sing Edge of Seventeen and Everywhere, and you barely know the songs. I shake my head I shouldn't feel sentimental right now, especially right now.

"Anything in particular?" I'm pulled out of my observations and thoughs by Colette talking.

"Just basics...and could you urmm...no it's fine," I shake my head I was going to ask her to get some pads, but I feel awkward to ask.

"Go on," She asks and folds her arms, I feel my cheeks burning red and she sighs, "I have some in my bathroom...if that is what you were going to ask...but I can always get some thicker ones if you want?" I nod before she then smiles and then goes to leave, "If the phone rings leave it...Northchurch HR have been trying to get me to come back...I've got paracetamol in the cupboards."

"Thanks," I say quietly and she then leaves, leaving me to carry on observing the flat. I go into the kitchen and observe that, there's a stack of plates that need to be put away and the sink is overflowing with mugs and small plates, I know how she feels but Dom insists we tidy away, but after coming back from a long shift last thing you want is to do the dishes. I then search the cupboard for paracetamol, and pull out a packet, I pop two out and go back into the living room. I find myself able to sit down and not feel awkward, I guess knowing someone for pretty much 25 years of my life and growing to hate her, I still find myself able to feel like I did as a child: comfortable.

...

Colette P.O.V.

I enter the flat that Zosia is sharing with Arthur and Dom, surprisingly for junior doctors they're very clean, though I see why: Cleaning Rota:

Monday's - Zoshie ;)

Tuesday's - Dom

Wednesday - Arthur

Thursday - Zoshie

Friday - Dom

Saturday - Arthur

Sunday - All three

I'm surprised she hasn't erased 'Zoshie' and replaced it with 'Zosia', I then have to try and find my way round, I step into the bathroom it's too clean, even I allow at least toothpaste to be on the sink, but it's like a theatre: sterilised until every part is clean enough to eat off the floor. I search around for the toothbrush which is pink with dots on, then I try and find her bedroom not much looking, since she's left the door open and left the room a bit of a mess: bed not made, washing basket overloaded and a bookshelf full of old looking books, I again find essentials clothes and underwear for the next day, hairbrush and then I find her laptop, I decided she would want that and I pack it all in a bag, then make my way to Tesco.

...

I enter the store it's dark outside and the cold night chill is settling in, I want to be as quick as I can, as I'm hungry and I feel like a takeaway. As I enter I first go to the hygiene section, before bending down to grab the thicker pads and then make my way to the chocolate section, ughh nuts never been a fan of them but chocolate section catches my eye; chocolate from Poland I remember not being a fan of the stuff but Guy's wife seemed to cheer up Zosia with it, so I grab a few bars then put them in the basket.

"I recall you saying 'That is the most vile thing I've tasted," I know that voice and I turn around, "So what's the excuse for buying that?"

"I don't need to explain myself to you," I say annoyed and Guy then frowns, so I walk along the aisle and he follows,

"You have been acting strange...sure it's not cravings," I stop on the spot and turn around giving him the 'Excuse me' stare.

"You're an idiot Guy," I snap and he laughs, "Oh what now?"

"Or is someone's friend visiting?" He teases and I then place the basket down.

"Do you wish to continue being a surgeon?" I ask and Guy nods, "Then keep your mouth shut."

"I'll leave you and auntie crimson to it...if you wanted that chocolate, I do have some chocolate from not long ago."

"Guy it's fine just shut up," I glare at him as he then nods and walks by and then I grab a few bars of plain Dairy Milk.

...

Zosia P.O.V.

I'm sat in the guest bedroom on the bed, looking around it's painted plain white with a single bed which has an ocean blue duvet on and light blue pillows. I lay back and sigh heavily, what happened today still doesn't feel real, I pull the lamb out of my bag and hold him to my chest, again, his rough fur still comforting. I allow myself to cry as I am alone and that is when I mostly cry apart from the time I cried in front of Elliot and very nearly in front of 'him' but I choked on my words then. I'm looking up at the ceiling and feeling the tears running down my cheeks and then as they fall they drop near my ears as I feel the hot water dropping on my ears. I curl up and bury my head onto the duvet, then place the old toy tight into me and I hope to fall asleep in a way, as then I can forget the pain but also hope that today will be over and done with.

Colette P.O.V.

I step inside my flat and sigh heavily, I managed to shift off Guy who thought it was appropriate to mention about cravings and menstrual cycles, "Zosia?" I call before placing the bags onto the kitchen table, it's quiet which I shouldn't need to worry about I'm not babysitting her at two, three years old anymore, as when silence happened then I usually found her being up to mischief: going through phonebooks and drawing on them, I once caught her drawing on my wall and it left her in the corner she kicked off and cried, but the place was rented and drawn on walls with my landlord was not a good combination. Unlike Guy and her mum I refused to let her get away with it, as well as phonebook destroying and wall drawings, she also knew how to annoy me: constantly say my name then runaway once I answer. I could give you hours of babysitting stories but, right now, it's twenty-six year old Zosia to think about and she's not in the living room. I then check the bathroom in case she went in there but she's not there, so I check the guest bedroom the lights on and I find Zosia curled up I walk over and hear her heavy breathing, and realise that she's asleep. She's been through a lot and it's no wonder she's fell asleep so I leave her too it. I decide that ordering a takeaway is definitely best, I'm exhausted, and the thought of cooking is like how I felt after Sophia trailed me and the mountain of paperwork I had, I appreciated the Indian Guy ordered us. I grab the telephone book and my mobile, then decide what to order.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I didn't think this story would actually attract readers! Especially since it's a sensitive subject. **

I come round from my nap and I feel quite cold that usually happens when you nap without a blanket, and I feel the cold easily especially in winter, I realise I've actually fallen asleep hugging the lamb and I blush at my own childishness I can imagine my grandpa going 'Oh you should've got rid of that thing by the time you turned five!' 'Toys at your age? You're a Self not some scallywag off the streets!' 'Guy you should've took that thing away' he was very strict and found my lamb a thing to be taken away after I started school. I sit up and realise my throat is really dry and I hate having a dry throat especially when the nearest water supply is in the kitchen. I then remember that I am not in my own flat, I'm in Colette's and I've been asleep for what probably is ages. I check the clock that is on the beside table it's flashing 21:30, "Oh no," I shoot up and to make it worse I've actually managed to bleed upon the duvet, "Oh brilliant," I whisper and push myself off the bed, I go into the longue and Colette's got what looks like what I used to do at uni: paperwork everywhere and a dish bowl full of what looks like chicken korma, and nan bread. I really don't feel like eating, I don't feel like anything I'm numb inside.

"Was wondering when you would be awake," Colette says and she then looks up from her paperwork, "I know you probably don't feel up to eating, but I got you something small…how are you feeling?" She puts down her pen and then places the dish bowl onto the sofa before standing up.

"Just tired I think I might go to bed," I say and Colette then smiles, "If that's OK."

"If you're feeling still slight cramps, maybe a bath would help?" She asks and I consider it, a bath would help but it means I'll have time to think.

"No…if it's OK I'll just go to bed," I ask again and Colette then stepped aside and I walked to the kitchen, to grab water and I saw on the fridge more memories of things, I open the fridge quickly and grab a bottle of water and then walk

"If you need anything you can knock on my door," Colette says and I nod, "I got your thicker pads here," she chucks the dark blue packet at me and I catch them, "If you still feel any cramping, I've got spare paracetamol in the cupboards."

….

I get ready for bed and rip open the packet of heavy duty sanitary towels, ugh these ones are so embarrassing and thick, but I guess since I did request for them and as I pull down my leggings and underwear a gush of blood appears on the floor, "What the?" I step back and go red, "Oh great."

…

Colette P.O.V.

I sit on the carpet again still buried in god knows how much paperwork, usually I'd have it half finished by now. I feel like a teenager who's forgotten to do homework, and is spending the whole night rushing to not get in trouble. Though my mind isn't on work, I feel something isn't right, again because she's too quiet. Of course she's quiet, how else is she going to be? So I get up and take a glance at my korma it's not as appetising anymore, instinct tells me something is wrong and I knock before entering, Zosia's stood in her pyjamas but looking slightly embarrassed, "What's happened?"

"I…well…blood…and…sorry," she says it looks like that is the only thing she can say, she looks like a child, I guess in a way right now she is, and the woman has been through so much:

Losing her mum

Her dad burying himself away in a bottle for months, she had popped round one time to see him and found him passed out on the sofa. You can imagine how she felt losing her mum and then thinking she lost him, she was so brave instead of leaving him she done what done what any doctor would do: help. As he came round she stayed as he vomited, cleared away all the bottles and phoned me. I think that was the last straw as then she disappeared and refused to get in contact.

Then losing a baby which she never got a chance to decide, and as I stand here right now, whilst she looks embarrassed, deep down I can read her she is terrified. I step closer and she sits on the bed, "Blood pulls when lying down, that's why there was a gush…nothing to worry about."

"I wasn't worried," she says growing red in the cheeks and then tilts her head down, "How did you know?"

"Instinct," I answer back and Zosia frowns, "Look," I place my hands down by my side and then walk over to the bed. I place my hands on thighs and sit down with my hands clasped together on my lap, "We haven't seen eye to eye since you believed that stupid-"

"Don't bring that up," she says angrily and I sigh, "It could have been true."

"Zosia your dad was faithful from the day your mother agreed to go out with him, he's too old for me anyway…and I don't fancy him."

"Lots of others do."

"That's because he puts on a smile, charms his way to get people to do what he wants…trust me Zosia if I wanted back then to get with him, he would've pushed me away…he's faithful…you may not see it but I do."

Zosia shivers as I guess she's feeling the cold, I packed her warm pyjamas not the strappy top and shorts I found on the washing pile. I stand up and go the wardrobe pulling out a blanket, "What's this for?" she asks.

"What do you think?" I chuck it at her it's soft and black, I sit back down and take it off her, "Usually with a blanket you wrap it around yourself…look I'll clear that up and then I'll leave you too it."

"No I'll do it….I made it-"

"It's not like you were drunk and vomited…and besides it's nothing I've not seen before," I say and Zosia nods, "Whatever happened to the little girl that would ask to play cards, and tell us to be quiet if we said it near your mother?"

"She grew up," Zosia answers and I agree she did grow up, and realised her loyalty to Guy was misplaced. Though she didn't grow up really she still acts like a child and I feel sometimes the naughty corner is where she should be still.

"I'll clean this up and then I'll leave you too it," I walk out and leave Zosia in the room, I return with a cloth and a bucket of water, "Do you want a hot chocolate?"

"No thank you," Zosia is laid in bed and playing with her hair.

"Like I said if you need anything…I'm a knock away," I say and she nods, "Well night Zosh."

"Night," she says back and I switch off the light and go to shut the door, "Could you…could you leave it open please?"

I smile then make my way into the living room, and resume the rest of my paperwork which looks as if it's gotten bigger.

…

Zosia P.O.V.

I wake up around midnight with my head full of thoughts, I still can't believe what happened today and I keep going back to that photo of Mama and Colette. It's weird to think I was four back then and she was two years into all clear of the first hit of illness. I then think turn myself around and pull the duvet closer around me, I'm never going to stop thinking about her she was so special to me. The woman who gave birth to me, held me when I cried, taught me Polish and told me to be what I want to be. That could have been me holding my child when he or she fell over, teach them Polish and talk to them about their nana, and tell them not to let anyone bully them into something, they do what they want to do. I try and shake the image of a child on my lap crying as the child is not existent, it's gone just like mama is, I picture again a child with black hair and light eyes, but then I picture him or her with brown hair and eyes like Arthur's, he or she could've been like me: arrogant, pigheaded, a daddy's girl and hopefully would stay one, or a mummy's boy, or like Arthur: Socially awkward, persuadable, not very tactful, either way the child would've been mine and even though I didn't get a chance to decide, I will never know if his or her eyes would be mine or Arthur's, if the hair would be black or brown, or whether the child would be a me or Arthur.

I step out of bed and walk quietly out of the bedroom, into the living room I switch on the light and walk over to the photo, I take it off the shelf and sit down on the floor studying the image: her eyes are like mine, well technically I have my mother's eyes, her smile is identical her every face shape is like hers, my hair is the same colour, I musn't cry she wouldn't want me to cry. I've lost both my mama and my child that could still be growing inside me, every month my abdomen would've expanded, at some point I would've felt the baby move and get surprised by the kicks, I stop myself before I go any further this baby is gone, he or she is not coming back and neither is my mama, I feel tears sliding down my face and two drip off my nose onto the glassed photo frame, why does everyone I love have to leave me? I then feel a hand on my shoulder and Colette is looking at me, how long has she been standing there?

"Let me take that," she takes it away and places it on the floor, "You idiot why didn't you come find me?" she asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"I wanted to be alone," I answer and Colette rubs her hand again up and down my arm, "Why does everyone love…leave me?" I ask and she doesn't know what to say, "It's like I'm cursed," I feel tears again realising themselves and then I rest my head up on her shoulder.

"You're not cursed Zosh, you've just been unlucky," I'm hearing her words and I feel my eyes release more tears, "Do you want a cuddle?" she asks and I don't know what to say, I'm not a child anymore, it's fair enough wanting cuddles of your mother but she's the woman, who used to babysit me and works with me. Though somehow I find myself nodding and she pulls away then allows me into her arms, "You'll be OK Zosia…you'll be OK."

…

Colette P.O.V.

I never thought she would agree, she's always been fussy with who held her, hugged her and who she let in. I remember from when she was little that it was only her mother, myself and Guy who could hold her and if she was passed onto anyone else her face would crumble and she'd end reaching out for whoever she wanted, her eyes would go shiny and if she wasn't passed back she'd panic and kick off. She went from cuddle wanting child to teenage tearaway who somehow managed to keep her grades at the best and then to miss independent university, medical school top of the class woman. I find it weird to think how fast has flown, so no wonder Guy still says 'she used to be such a daddy's girl'. I feel her cries subsiding and she pulls away, "I usually find a hot chocolate and a muffin helps me when I'm down…I can make us a hot chocolate and heat up a muffin?" I suggest and Zosia nods, "Are you going to go into work tomorrow?"

"Well I'll have to…to stop my father from asking questions," Zosia answers and I want to tell her no, as it's probably not the best place for her to be, but she's Zosia and Zosia does what Zosia wants. Even if it lands her in heaps of trouble.

**A/N: Once again thank you to ChasingRainbows90 and PianoNinja! P.S. PianoNinja loved both your updated stories hehe! Hope you get unblocked soon ChasingRainbows90! Thanks to both of them for reading through stuff, this chapter was a bit weird but I needed this part to build the next chapter, so I hope it's OK! Reviews are welcome :) next we some more Dom and Zosia, along with a bit of father daughter problems! **


	5. Chapter 5

I'm awake at six, crying had drained me, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. Now it's six and I hear a shower going, I usually wake up at five but today I clicked it off and curled back up. I feel my nose is blocked and I realise I never actually cleared my face up, I grab my bag and take out a face wipe, then wipe my face, before placing it on the side and I consider taking a shower. I haven't got the energy, I used it all up yesterday: crying, trying to fight back the need to call out in pain, and then last night I feel embarrassed, I now feel the need to be nice to her, since she's been more than nice to me. The shower stops and I decide that I need one.  
...

"I didn't pack you any shampoo or conditioner since you can use mine, and I saw no point in packing yours when there's mine," Colette says from the kitchen table electronic cigarette in her hand and a coffee on the table, hair wrapped in a towel and dressed, 'And I wasn't sure you if you were up to food, so there's bread in the toaster."

"Thank you," I say before walking into the bathroom; it's tiled white with a mirror that is lit up by tinted red lights inside, the sink is cream and the taps are silver, labelled hot and cold. The bath is connected with a shower, with a curtain to pull across. I turn it on and then wait for it to warm up. I get undressed and step in the water immediately hitting my back and dampening my hair, I search around for body wash, shampoo and conditioner. It feels like a lifetime that I'm in the shower, I look down at my abdomen and sigh, I can't help but want that child back in there, growing inside me, I want to feel those pregnancy displeasures, I want to know whether the baby would've been a boy or girl, I can't tell if I'm crying or if it's the water but my throat is tightening, I swallow the lump forming and squeeze the herbal essences green tall bottle and the shampoo expands into my hands. I massage it into my hair, breathing in the pear and rose scent. I then tip my head back and wash it out, then my eye is caught by the tiles they're green, well green growing between the paste that has stuck them together, I look at the others they have the same. It's all around even the bath edges: limescale, it's growing between the taps. I frown at it as if it's offending me, I want to tear out the tiles and scrub it away with that Harpic stuff Dom has bought. It's horrible and making me angry, I grab my flannel to try and rub away but it's not budging, it's not going just like my thoughts they're not budging or going away either. I'm being tormented by scenarios that will never happen. I look down at my hands they're shaking I'm shaking all over. I'm feeling the anger bubble up inside me it's running through every squiggle of my brain, then down in my veins making me want to throw something, I angrily pick up the shampoo bottle then chuck it at the curtain but it flies out and bashes the wall. the bashing makes me want to do it again, I throw the conditioner, then the body wash and then slide down into the tub, my body shaking and my sobs are being drowned out by the water.

...

Colette P.O.V.

I walk into the bathroom wondering what the hell is going on, "Zosia what are you doing?" I ask and realise that she's in the tub, "Zosia?" I walk over and draw the curtain I have no idea what to do.

"It's everywhere," she says and I frown, "It's all over the place..."

"What's all over the place?" I ask and she shakes her head, "Zosia what's everywhere?" I ask again and she carries on crying, I reach over and turn the shower off, I notice the objects on the floor and try to figure out what happened. I wait for her to speak, "Zosia...what happened?" she stops crying and looks up at me, "What happened?"

"How long have you been there?" She asks and then I can see by the look on her face, she realises where she is and that she is not dressed, "Why did you come in?!" she snaps and I stand up, "You came in here!"

"You were destroying my bathroom, I was hardly going to let you carry on," I pull a spare bathrobe off the door and chuck it at her, "Get out, get dressed and we'll have a talk," I walk out leaving her in peace to get out of the bathroom with privacy.

...

Zosia P.O.V.

I step out of the bathroom with the robe wrapped around me, Colette's in the kitchen again reading the newspaper. I managed to make a fool of myself and nearly destroy her bathroom. I step into the spare bedroom and close the door, and take off the bathrobe and search my bag for underwear and clothes: Leggings, my black top with a blue rose on, a pair of pants, bra and socks. Then my hair brush and laptop guess that could come in handy. I search my bag for my roll on stick and a spare hair tie before I get dressed. I look at myself in the mirror I never conditioned my hair so it's going to hurt when brushing, I pick up my hair brush and begin to brush at the wet tangled mess that is called my hair. I run the bristles through my hair until I catch a tangle. I try and detangle it but it's a tight knot the type I used to have a kid, one time when mama was ill again 'he' had to do it, you can imagine how that went, I hid well away refusing to go to school and hid under my bed, wardrobe, laundry room, anywhere to get away. It wan't helped that I was more worried about mama dying. If I hadn't overheard 'him' taking to Benson over the phone saying, 'My wife could die and you think I will cover your shift' I wouldn't have been as scared. I kicked off shouting, 'YOU SAID MAMA COULD DIE! HOW COME YOU DONT GO TO WORK, BUT I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL?' I got my way spent the whole day in Northchurch, with 'him' and mama, I was still quite a daddy's girl then so when mama needed rest we would sit in his office at first it was boring, but then he got out a pack of cards and taught me poker. Anyway I'm trying to detangle my hair but it's hurting too much I'm pulling out too many strands of hair. I throw my hair brush against bed and tilt my head back to pull it into a messy bun. I now have to face Colette which is going to be awkward, I walk out and shut the door before entering the kitchen.

"Are you hungry?" It's the first thing she asks and I shake my head, I don't feel like eating I don't feel like anything, I just want to get to work but I know for one Colette is not letting me go until we've had a 'chat', "Here," she hands me a cup of tea and I sit down, "What happened in the bathroom?" I blush red and Colette tilts her head, "Shampoo makes a change from crayon," she says and I look down at my tea, "Ok...are you still thinking of going into work?"

"Of course...I don't think that moping around will help me," I answer and Colette then gets up and pushes the leaver on the toaster down, "I said I'm not hungry."

"Then you need to eat," she waits for the toast to cook and I fall back into the chair, arms folded, "And if I don't make you...I know full well you won't!" the toast springs up and she plates it up before passing the plate to me, "And when I was in Tesco yesterday I found these," she chucks to bars of Polish chocolate at me, "I thought of you."

I place the bars on the table and study the packaging, then I lightly laugh, "Mama used to...bring these back for me."

"I tried a bar once...it was the most vile thing I had ever tasted," as she says that Colette sips at the tea she just made herself, "You are going to eat that."

I don't want to eat but if I don't I can imagine her trying to force feed me, so I pick up a slice and bite in it, "There," I say sarcastically and push it away.

"Am I going to have to feed you?" She asks, "I've done it before."

"When I was two and refused to eat," I answer back and she looks disapproving, "I'm not hungry...I just want to get to work."

"Let me get my hair dry and ready...then we'll get going," Colette walks out of the kitchen and I wait for her to get ready.

...

I get into work at eight o'clock, "You don't need to walk me onto Keller I'm twenty six."

"No Guy's on Keller..." I feel my tummy bubbling with anger, "He will try and put you in theatre."

"Then I'll tell him no," I answer back and Colette stops walking, "I just want to read through books."

I see Dom walking over looking shocked he folds his arms, "And what are you doing here?" he asks.

"I work here," I answer

"You should be resting...you didn't even text me to say you were OK...even Sacha's been worried."

"Yes well neither of you have to worry...as I'm fine," I'm feeling smothered  
I've got Colette acting like a protective dog, and Dom acting paranoid and we all know Sacha gives hugs.

"Zosia," Dom says in a 'tell me the truth' tone, then our attention is caught by 'him' walking towards us, "You are not going into theatre today."

"Doctor March and Doctor Copeland I have an interesting-"

"I have other things that take priority," I argue and my father looks at me his brown eyes go from, looking happy to confused. I sense both Dom and Colette looking at him as well.

"And what's more important than your medical career?' he asks and I can think of the more important thing, but he doesn't know, so how do I get out of this?

"I just don't see why I need to waste my time and energy, in theatre when it's not what I want to do. I don't want to be a surgeon, I don't want to be anything like you...yet you bully my tutor, you force me into-" I hear the familiar ding and he takes out his phone, he never puts that thing away or on silent, "Can't you put that away? I'm trying to talk to you."

"I have more things that take priority, other than listening to another tantrum of yours," my mouth drops open.

"Finally after all these years...you have finally said it! Can you put that thing down?!" I reach forward and snatch it out of his hand, I see Dom with his hand rubbing his eye. At last he's said it, his work is the one thing that takes priority, I knew that but to hear him say it just proves it.

"Doctor March," he says authoritative and I drop his phone in a near by jug the screen blurring with water.

"Zosia," Dom steps forward and I move away

"No...he's finally admitted after all these years, why is it that people who have children, sometimes don't deserve them yet when those who want a child end dont up having one?...you never wanted me, you've always hated me and you know what? I hate you," I push him back, "I hate you," I hit him again, "hate you," I feel someone grasp my arm and I'm pulled into the staffroom.

Colette P.O.V.

That's gone horribly wrong and I reach into the jug then pull out his phone, it's inside is clearly full of water and it's soaked, "You know what's wrong," he says to me and I sigh, "Colette...what has happened?"

"Not my place to say Guy," that's all I can say and he sighs heavily, "I can't tell you."

"My daughter is clearly upset and you're not going to tell me?"

"If she was a teenager I would've seen different, but she's twenty six."

"Who's not going to tell me anytime soon! Please Colette!" he begs and I shake my head, not because I don't want too, Zosia's trusting me to help her. He storms off and I give him ten minutes.

...

Zosia P.O.V.

I'm laid on the sofa my head is resting on Dom's lap, he's the one that grabbed me before I done anything stupid, more stupid. I feel his hand twirling with some my hair and I'm crying again, "When we grieve we say things to hurt those, we love the most."

"I hate him he's a sadist," I say half heartedly and Dom pulls out a tissue, "I made an idiot of myself," I feel him dabbing at my left cheek, "Stop."

"I thought you did a pretty good Tarzan impression," Dom says, "You know...ahhh, ahhhhh, ahhhh, a-a-a-a-a ahhhh," I can't help but smile and he stops at his chest, "Could've been worse...you could've done Kurjack," Dom then resumes twirling with my hair, "Seriously though Zoshie...sorry...why did you come in?"

"Because Arthur is at the flat...and...do I even tell him?" I ask I see two ways: tell him and it's awkward, or I don't and he thinks it's not even his. We're not together but he thinks we're gradually going to be.

"Up to you Zosh," Dom says and I sigh heavily, "I think also...maybe you should ttell your father. As he's going to have you struck off...if you want I can be there?"

"What to hold my hand?" I ask and Dom laughs, "I can handle him."

"That's why you went Tarzan on him?" Dom asks and I sit up, "I can be there if you tell him."

"And what about Arthur? He'll be wondering," I say almost choking on my words, "He's not very tactful."

"Tell you what you teach me poker and I'll help you tell your dad and Artie...now I have an hour, can you teach me that in one hour?" I watch as he then pulls a packet of cards out from the sofa sides, "And before you ask...I've been trying to teach myself I hate how you always win."

"That's because since I was two I've been taught cards...I got taught poker when I was nine," I explain then Dom looks shocked, "You wont tell Arthur or Dom without me?"

"I'd be mad to try," Dom jokes and I deal us in, Dom reminds me of Luke my best guy friend at school. I don't know how telling 'him' or Arthur will help but if it stops me from getting suspended or struck off, then I'll do it.

A/N: Thanks again to ChasingRainbows90&PianaNinja p.s. PianoNinja hope you like the Dom/Zosia parts? ﾟﾘﾊ? not sure how a smiley looks on fanfic but it's the glowing red faced one haha. Next: Will Dom convince Zosia to tell her dad and Arthur? And is Colette's friendship with Guy in trouble? Reviews are welcome! ❤️❤️ two hearts smiley haha


	6. Chapter 6

"Again?!" Dom expresses as I grin and he places his cards on the table, "It's really not fair."

"I've been playing for over ten years I know the tricks…rematch?" I ask and Dom shakes his head, "You scared of losing again?"

"We had a deal you teach me poker, I help you with what you say to your dad," Dom reminds me and I sigh, "Look…I'm not an expert on this but my auntie was a midwife….she used to tell all the mums that, if you push yourself too much after, you end up bleeding heavily...it's not serious but it's not very nice, for you. I think if you tell your dad he'll give you time off," I push his cards towards me and then push them all together neatly, "I know you've not had a baby….but it's sort of like after you have a baby."

"I don't need you telling me what I can and can't do," I say and Dom sighs, "I don't need to tell him," I don't want to tell him, hardly a conversation I want to have especially since it'll be the first proper conversation.

"Zosia," Dom now sounds annoyed and I glare, "If you push yourself you will regret it…and I think you should tell your dad."

"You're just as bad as my dad," I push myself up and walk out of the staffroom, I see Sacha near the nurses station and he smiles at me. I walk down the ward and then I find myself outside 'his' office. I don't know why but before I know it, I knock on his door and wait this time.

"Yes?" he sounds annoyed so I take a deep breath before entering, "Was wondering when you'd show your face," he says and I keep my face turned away, "Do I want to know what happened there? Or do I dare risk opening my mouth in case you decide to…hit me again? Because I have put up with your tantrums for too long, I am giving you one last chance, and I do not want to see your face unless it's in theatre or on the ward. I don't want to hear another word from you do you understand?"

"I'm-" he cuts me off I feel my throat getting a lump again and my eyes are beginning to sting.

"Sorry? Why should I accept a sorry from you when you won't even accept one of mine?" I can't help but feel like a little girl again, only this time he means it. The door opens and Colette walks in with Dom, "If you two could step outside…I'm talking to 'Doctor March'."

"Zosia?" Dom walks over to me and see that I look upset, "Have you told him?" he I step on his foot which is to indicate him I have not.

"Told me what?" he asks and I say nothing I can't say anything, as I really don't know what I want to say, "Doctor March?...oh so I'm going to have to read your mind now."

I walk over to the sofa and sit down wrapping my hands around my body, "I…"

"Is it something that's happened at work? Is it something to do with at home?" he pushes for an answer and I don't know how to say it. I want mama here her arm around me, telling me to tell him and that she's here, I want her soothing words right now, I want her but I can't have her. Her voice is hard to remember as I try to think of words she will say. '_I'm here, mamas here' 'Don't be scared Zoshie', _I look up and he's waiting still. I look down at the floor and my feet are shaking, "I haven't got time to be playing guess the problem."

"Yesterday…when I was supposed to be on AAU…" I breathe out and shake my head, "A few days ago…I…discovered that I…-"

"You're pregnant," He guesses and he sounds and looks very disappointed, "I've told you time and time again-"

"Yesterday….I…." I don't want to say it I just want a hug from mama now telling me it's OK, "I," I see everything in the room blurring, "I lost the…baby," I wait for him to say something, but nothing is said it's so quiet, "Say something."

"That's why you mentioned about children today," He guesses and I say nothing, I can hear in his tone that he's feeling bad about earlier, "Were you alone?" I shake my head and he immediately sets eyes on Colette, "That's why I saw you at Tesco last night? You knew-"

"Twenty-six Guy if it was up to me yes I would've said, but I said that it was up to Zosia."

"And you?" he says to Dom and I look at Dom, he looks slightly scared and he nods, "Are you going to want time off?"

I think about what Dom said earlier and I shake my head, "Zosia did you listen to-"

"I heard you perfectly clear Dominic…but I need to be working," I say to him angrily and Dom the tilts his head back, "How is it any of your business anyway?"

"I am trying to help you…but fine if you want to make a fool out of yourself, then go ahead just don't blame when one of us has to point out to you: there's blood on your scrubs!" and with that he storms out slamming the door behind.

"I can give you time off Zosia," My father says and I shake my head, "Doctor Copeland is right."

"I don't want time off work!" I snap and he then tilts his head back, "I just want to get on with my work…is that too much to ask?" I want to get out of there my eyes are beginning to water again.

"Fine but if you feel that you're pushing yourself too hard, you stop and you go home," he orders and I nod, "Get back to work…and Colette can I bend your ear?"

I stand up and walk to the door and walk out, I consider listening through the door to hear what my father has to say, to Colette but I decide against it.

….

Colette P.O.V.

He's looking at me I can tell he's a cross between hurt and worried, "So Colette you didn't think it was appropriate to tell me?"

"She trusted me Guy and she was so scared…and I thought she needed female company," I say and he taps his fingers against the desk, "So I let her stay at mine…hence why you saw those bars. OK if it was up to me I would've told you, but she needed someone who was female and who else?"

"She's my daughter Colette…and yet she can't even…"

"She would've preferred her mother than me, I caught her looking at that hen do photo," I say and he says nothing, "She needed a woman's touch and I was there."

"I told her I didn't want to see her face or hear her voice…"

"And she doesn't want to see or hear yours…look there's no point in making a song and a dance about her not telling you first. What she needs is support and you making her feel guilty won't help," I say stern and Guy nods, "She's told you that means something," I open the door and walk out then sigh.

…

Zosia P.O.V.

I walk into the staffroom and Dom is there talk with Sacha, I don't look at him in case he's annoyed I lay down on the sofa and feel something land on my chest, "Rematch?" he asks and I shake my head, "How did he react?" Dom asks and I say nothing and try to hold back tears, "Zosia?"

"He hates me….like I hate him….we're even," I play with the draw string on my scrub trousers, "Just like it should be."

"Go Fish? Rummy?" he suggests and I shake my head, I want to curl up and sleep forever, "Fuck The Bus? Come on Zosia I want to make you happy."

"Can you bring back a life I lost?" I ask and turn my face to him, "Thought not…you're wasting your time."

"Do you want us to leave?" Sacha asks and I shake my head I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to talk either, "Want me to put on the radio?" I shake my head, I close my eyes and feel them water inside. I don't mind him hating me if we're even then it's fine. Though somewhere inside me feels upset about it, at least when I was hating him he still 'cared'. I've lost mama, I've lost my baby and now finally what I've wanted for the past year I've lost my dad.

**A/N: I'm on a roll! Thanks to ChasingRainbows90! :) Reviews are welcome.**


	7. Chapter 7

It approaches handover time for Keller and I need to get out of here before Arthur arrives, I need to pace my time with telling him. I want to tell him because he'll begin to notice the way Dom and Sacha will be around me. Especially if I try to push myself 'too hard' me and that word don't even belong in the same sentence. I just want to get on as normal but it's proving hard. I hadn't looked in my bag all day and I remembered I had my toy stuffed in there, I forgot I look at the rip I his head it's head. It's sad really as I could fix it but I'm too tired. I hear the door open and I go to hide it but I then turn around and Dom enters, "Artie is here so unless you want to tell him?" he asks and I turn my head away, "Zosia it might be good if you tell him."

"How? If I tell him he may not even think it's his, or he'll no longer talk to me," I say and Dom then comes and sits down next to me.

"Or he'll do the Arthur thing and use his not so god people skills but then be there for you?" Dom adds and I shake my head, "It's up to you but I think telling him may be a good idea, are you coming home tonight or are you staying with the queen of the empire?" he asks and I shake my head, "So does that mean duvet and film night?" I shrug my shoulders, "We can watch whatever you want," he suggests.

"You go on without me," I say and he frowns, "I'll meet you at home."

…

I walk onto Keller and see Arthur talking to Sacha, I take a deep breath and decide to walk over, "Can I have a word?" I ask and Arthur turns around.

"Yes of course," he nods and I signal the locker room, "Oh right," he pushes his glasses up and we step into the locker room, "Are you OK? Has something happened?"

"Maybe we better sit down," I suggest so Arthur agrees and we both sit on the bench, I try to talk but the words don't come out.

"Is it? Is it something I've done?" he asks he searches my face for an answer, and I shake my head, "OK…urmm….I don't understand you said you wanted to talk to me."

"Arthur," I look at him and he tilts his head down, "It's not easy OK."

"Then what is it?" he pushes I don't think he realises that he is, "Zosia?"

I feel my eyes stinging and my throat tightening, I try and imagine what mama would say to me:_ If he cares about you, he will be there for you, darkest of hours pull us together, he's a good guy, I'm here, be brave my brave little Zoshie. _I take a deep breathe, "Yesterday…when I didn't come home."

"Dominic said you offered to work nightshift," Arthur says and I turn my head, "He said that your shift on AAU didn't work out, you had a row with Mr Griffin so you decided to work the nightshift."

"That's not what happened….yesterday…..when I was here….OK a few days ago….I discovered I was pregnant," I say with a choke in my voice and Arthur's face drains of colour, "But….yesterday," the room blurs and I realise I'm about to release tears, "I….started getting backache and there was blood, lots of blood…I….I lost our baby," I lift my head up and see in the long mirror that my face is covered with tears, "And I am sorry, I really am sorry."

"No listen," Arthur slowly puts his arm around me, "It's not your fault…sometimes these things just happen….but you've got nothing to be sorry for….was anyone with you? When the….when you lost the baby?"

"Colette, Dom and Sacha," I answer I'm shivering I've gone cold, I always go cold when talking about those who I've lost, "I stayed at Colette's last night."

"Well I'm sorry you went through that….I just….I'm not very good with these things-"

"You don't have to say anything," I say and he keeps his arm where it is, "I really am sorry."

"It's not your fault," he says again and I then rest my head on his shoulder, "And you've had the strength to tell me: "Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength."

"Napoleon?" I ask and I feel him nodding, "I just wish my father…despite the fact I was stressing out, I could've said goodbye….sorry I don't usually talk about this."

Arthur's pager goes off and I pull away, "I need to go it's Mr Levy but…I really am sorry Zosia," Arthur stands up and I stand up too.

"It was your baby too," I remind him and he nods, "It's OK to be sad."

"I really need to go," he steps away and walks out, he took it better than I expected but the way he ran then, makes me think he's going to avoid me. I want him to come back and give me hug, he just went away.

….

I step out of the locker room and make my way down the ward, "Zosia," I hear Arthur call my name and I turn around, he's knocked about two cups off and files but he ignores it to catch up with me, "I just wanted to say…that…I really am sorry...and maybe we could…if you wanted…I…I urmm was thinking, if you wanted we could do something to remember the baby by?" Arthur suggests and I swallow another lump forming in my throat, "Only of course if that is something you would like to do."

"Thank you," I say and then I wrap my arms around his neck, and I can tell he's feeling awkward, but then I feel his hands going round my back.

"Urr Zosia people may get the wrong idea," he whispers and I pull away, "So maybe we could talk about it?"

"I need to go," I step away and realise that people have been watching: Sacha and my father, "Dom wants me to watch a Disney with him…and if I don't I think he'll drag the T.V. and dvd player into my room."

"Doctor Digby can I have word?" my father walks over and Arthur looks worried, "Nothing serious…Zoshie if you excuse me and your friend," he guides Arthur out of my sight.

…

Guy P.O.V.

I guide the young doctor away from my daughter who right now is vulnerable, we go out of Keller and walk down the corridor, "Doctor Digby can I ask you something?"

"Of course Mr Self," I hear the nervousness in the young man's voice.

"Arthur do stop sounding so worried…I'm not going to hurt you…do you care about Zosia?" I ask and Arthur waits.

"As a friend?" he asks.

"I should hope you would care about her….Doctor Digby Zosia's not had it easy, her mother passing now losing her – your child. I need to know that you will be there for her," I say and I can see the young man looking terrified, "Because despite her hating me and I'm pretty sure she has told you, despite the fact she hates me, Zoshie is and always will be my little girl. I want to know that you will be there for her and if you hurt her-"

"Mr Self I don't think you understand…me and Zosia we're not together…we're just friends," Arthur challenges me.

"Well that's good because she needs a friend, someone to listen to her and be there for her and if one day you decide you do want….more than friendship with her, I should hope you'd be faithful, I know Zosia is a bit….out there and no angel in fact she was the teenager from hell, I just want to know that you will be faithful," I say and we both stop I turn to face Arthur and he's pale, "Well?"

"If there was a chance that Zosia and I were to….become a couple you don't need to worry because I am a faithful person-"

"What if someone like Nurse Carter or Younger Ms Effanga came up to you?" I question.

"I would turn the other way and go to Zosia….but Zosia and I are just friends and I if we were to develop into something more, I would be 100% faithful to Zosia," he finishes his sentence and I folded my arms.

"Nice talking to you Doctor Digby….and remember I am watching you," I walk away well aware I've just terrified the man as I hear him run off.

…

Zosia P.O.V.

I see Dom waiting for me at the entrance and I walk over, "Did you tell Artie?" he asks and I nod, "What did he say?"

"He said he was sorry and that if I wanted…we could do something to remember the baby by," I answer and Dom then puts his arm around me, "My father caught us hugging," I say and Dom laughs, "Not funny."

"Well it kind of his….are you going to tell miss Empire Builder, that you've told Artie?" he asks and I shake my head, "Zosia she looked after you don't you think she deserves to know? And what if your father tells her? Come on you tell her…I don't make you sit through Disney."

"I was looking forward to seeing you sing and dance," I say and he then grabs her arm, "Dom let me go…Dom let me go."

We get through the double doors to AAU and he then spots Colette, "You do this…I'll sing along to 'Bare Necessities'."

"And if I catch you and Mr F in that cupboard again," I hear Colette yelling at a nurse she shakes her head and then walks over, "You OK?" she looks at me and walks over.

"Yeah…I just…well I told Arthur," I say and Colette then puts down the folders she has in her arms.

"Do you want to talk?" she asks and I shake my head, "How did he take it?" she leans against the desk and I breathe in.

"He offered to do something to remember the baby by," I answer and I feel my eyes beginning to water again, "And he hugged me…and he was just there….I don't know I just didn't expect him to…."

"Shall we go somewhere private?" Colette asks and I shake my head.

"I really need to get going….but it's just to tell you….thank you," I say and Colette smiles.

"If you need me….you can always give me a ring," she says and I nod, "Look after her," Colette orders Dom and he nods.

"Zosia's safe with me…I've even agreed to sing 'Bare Necessities'," he puts his arm around me and I pull it away.

"Right….never been a fan of The Jungle Book," Colette looks disapproving, "Anyway if you need anything…call me OK," I nod before she walks off and then I glare at Dom.

"What? It saves you getting asked all the time," he shrugs and then he links his arm around mine, "So Disney?"

"Will it shut you up?" I ask and he nods, "Then yes."

"Brilliant."

**A/N: Random chapter I know but I hope you enjoyed the Zarthurness though! Thanks to ChasingRainbows90 and PianoNinja! Reviews are welcome!**


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